Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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