we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
