i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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