you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
