HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so that wasnt chicken after all
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you had me at cake vodka
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
