I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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