Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
