Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
