I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
