Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
