you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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