After last night, I could never be a politician.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she peed on how many people?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
