He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
