Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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