i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She bit a glass in half.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
