Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
