my being single is dangerous.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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