from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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