I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
