is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
