Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
