oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
