a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
