he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
FUCK WHALES
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