I just cut my nipple shaving
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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