I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
