the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
