It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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