my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize