Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's shark week go big or go home
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
