You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
