i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He passed out mid-signature
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
