I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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