I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
