Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
