i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
