Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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