Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it because I queefed?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
