My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
