the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
