He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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