It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
