my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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