You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
