I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
