Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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