Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize