THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
