hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize