Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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