A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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