okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
