I wish I could punch you in the face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
