we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Floor bacon is actually really good
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
