So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
