Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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