she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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