A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have post one night stand depression
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
