im drinking this country out of the recession.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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