Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
