I'm lost and stupid without you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
