why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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