Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
