This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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