take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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