I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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