I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
as a side note pls kill me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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