Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
