Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
