For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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