saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
