In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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