I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
