It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
