i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize