I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
