Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
